The truth HURTS!

Today was end of month 1.

The harsh reality that is the truth hurts. :(

I knew I felt flabber since the baby weight fluid dropped.  I honestly didn't think it was this bad.
To think of how far I had gotten and where I am now :(

I knew I couldn't expect much from this first month as I haven't really done anything.

So stats before photos.
weight loss -500g

arms +1cm but I did do arm weights 2 days ago and they are still really sore. good old DOMs
chest - same
waist -3cm
hips -2cm
gluts -0.5cm
thighs Same
knee Same
calf Same

16th Dec 2015 

1week pp

So I did change where I take the photos to change the light.  The new location highlights the cellulite more but I wanted that because its something I really need to work on. 

Oh so far to go but I need to use this to fuel me. Bring on month 2. 

I managed a quick 15min walk this morning but unfortunately that was it.  B seems to be in a really bad headspace so I think I am going to have to work out times to workout that don't require him to look after the kids.  Even for 15mins. 

Lets go month 2!

Finally getting started

The first month is nearly over with tomorrow my date to weigh and its been a very slow month but that is kinda expected with a new born by and still recovering.  I doubt I will have lost any weight perhaps even gained.  Guess we will see tomorrow.

I did manage one walk up to get the kids from day care and yesterday I did my first work out. it was all of 15 min warm up on the treadmill.  I did manage to run although very slowly at 7km/hr for 4 whole minutes. My legs felt very heavy and my tummy still healing but its a start. I then did my arms, back and core exercises using the 5kg dumbbells I picked up from kmart during the week.  I didn't get as many done as I wanted, my arm muscles are certainly a lot weaker than I expected them to be.  I took the workout to failure and then had to stop.

My diet has been really good but again as usual for me I highly doubt I will have lost as it usually take my body about a month to adapt at the beginning of training before it responds and the weight loss starts.

I had a talk to B regarding me just not fitting any workouts in.  I was planning to do them at night after the kids were in bed but after dealing with 4 kids 4 and under all day one of which is a new born and on around 2-3hours sleep a night by the time 8pm comes around I am shattered!

I would normally go somewhere between 4 and 5 am but Z the 21month old has decided he likes to wake up during this time.  So as B has to work such long days I said I will get up to the kids at this time even if Billy has had a bad night and then at 6am I will do my workout.  That means B still gets at least 7 hours uninterrupted sleep and only has the kids for 1 hour. Whilst Billy is so little I will just do my workouts here and then once he gets bigger I will head back to the gym. This is yet to happen as B has been sick ever since our conversation.  First a cold and now some vomiting thing.  He is always sick at the moment.  I keep trying to talk to him about his diet and lifestyle but people wont listen unless they want to.  He has no interest in changing his lifestyle even though he is so grumpy and miserable all the time.

So diet at the moment is:

on wake up - Warm lemon and apple cider vinegar drink
Black coffee no sugar.

Breakfast: smoothie: 1 small banana, 1 scope Isalean Shake, 1tsp Honey, 1Tble spoon quick oats, 1/2 tblsp flaxseed meal.

Snack: egg white omelette, with 1tblsp brown rice, 1tblsp chick peas, and steamed broccoli
Black coffee no sugar
Isagenics want more energy drink with Acetyl Carnitine and 1 isaflush tablet

Lunch: Tuna Salad with 1egg, avocado and 1/2 Mango, no dressing

Snack: 70g Cottage cheese with frozen mixed berries (microwaved to be warm)

Dinner: Grilled Chicken with steamed veggies and tblsp brown rice  or an Isalean shake if short on time

before Bed: Isagenix Belly buster shake. (protein powder plus isagreens) with Acetyl Carnitine and 1 isaflush tablet

My milk has almost completely dried up and Billy feeds twice a day morning and afternoon.  Once he has completed weaned this will change and I will be adding in Thermogenic protein powders, green tea etc. I will also be doing some isagenics cleanse days but other than that no isagenics anymore.

I was going to go through my weights program too but only a short nap for the kids today.

Onto tomorrow and another round of measurements and photos etc.

Some food pics

 I had some extra mangos to use up so I added it to my cottage cheese a couple of days! I LOVE mangos.

Game on!

So Little Billy is 3 weeks old now. Such a little champ of a baby.
We had some issues with Breast feeding as he had a tongue tie and upper lip tie so now I still breastfeed but I top up with formula every feed. Its a long process but it makes him happy and content and all he does is sleep!

I gave myself a week after the birth to not think about anything at all!

After that week I took my measurements and weighed myself and started my diet.  Unfortunately due to lack of sleep the diet has been wavering. The bulk of it is great, but I am looking for empty energy to help get me through. So biscuits and chocolate etc. Not good. Also doesn't help that I have had no down time as there has always been people here.  Today is the first day that the bigger boys are at day care and its just Billy and me.  I had to clean the house for an inspection this morning but now its just time to chill.

So the day I had Billy I weighed in at 90.5kg :( IT was way heavier than I was aiming but it what it is and it is now a starting point.

7 days post I weighed in at 85.4kg and have now dropped down to 84.4kg

I have started doing some exercises. Mainly focusing on pelvic floor and core exercises but I do also do some pushups, dips, squats and lunges.  Just trying to get some level of strength before I return to the gym.

Due to the drop in the level of breast feeding basically all I am doing is giving him a little for antibodies etc, I am going to drop my calorie intake as having 1800 a day will just make me gain weight. I will revise my diet today and see how I go.

This is my final pregnancy photo at 38+2 and 905.kg

This is my one week post photo on the 16/11/15 at 85.4kg

I feel so much flabbier now that the baby weight and fluid is gone.  I guess all that fluid was keeping it all reasonably firm.  I am trying to just focus on the positives and move forward and tackle it one day at a time.
It is so hard waiting to return to exercise though.  My body did bounce back and recover SO well this time I am busting to go for a run and get back into it all.  But I know better.  I know I need to allow my body to heal and it will be much better in the long run.  Patient is something I have never been though.

weigh and measure due again on the 16th.

The lifestyle change

I've been giving a lot of thought lately to the lifestyle change I want to make for myself and my family.

I have been doing Isagenix for a bit now and whilst I enjoy it and found it good, and I still plan on doing a 30day cleanse and regular cleanse days I don't think its the lifestyle I want to follow.  It will be great while nursing as the shakes are fine to use although that all depends on if the baby can handle the dairy side of it.

Once I finish breast feeding though I would like to change it all around a bit.  Do the 30day cleanse straight up but after that incorporate a more clean eating kinda paleo approach. I don't like the full idea of Paleo I think it has gone a little too far but the fundamentals of getting back to basics etc that is the direction I want to take my family.  Lots of fresh food.  This of course means I need to learn how to cook! my mum is British and is a meat and 3 veg kind of cook.  none of it was healthy fresh tasty food.  It usually involved salt and pepper, butter, a packet kinds of things to get flavor.  I have spoken to B about this and I am hoping for my Bday that is coming up he gets me a couple of Pete Evans books. I know the transition with the kids will be hard but I also want to look at getting them to help me prepare the food and also perhaps growing some of it so they can see and understand the whole process.

My 4yo is at that inquisitive age and I have told him chips and lollies are bad for him and he doesn't want them.  Now I just need to get what I cook and prepare to taste good and hopefully we all start eating better.

I also want to change my supplements once I finish breastfeeding and bring in a thermogenic protein powder after my morning workouts.  I might still keep the high protein isagenix one for night time to help increase my muscle gain but I am yet to nut this out. I will also bring back in my preworkout supplement and add a green tea extract to my breakfast smoothie.  I will start up L-carnitine again, and also considering some BCAA's this time. My plan is to really shred this time.

I am now 35+1 pregnant and we are down to 21days and he will be here.  My diet is relatively good, Ice cream seems to make a common appearance which is silly as I actually don't like ice cream I only ever eat it when pregnant! I have started walking regularly again and its certainly making me feel stronger and I actually don't even feel heavily pregnant which is amazing.

I have spoken to my OB about doing the triathlon coming up in Feb/march and he doesn't think there will be any issues with me doing it. YAY! Unless something drastic happens during the birth of course but fingers crossed it all goes smoothly.

I did up my weight loss journal the other day.  its for 12months and starts on the 16th Nov which is 7day post partum.  Of course I wont be full into it from the get go its more about diet and light incorporation of exercises to start with especially the pelvic floor ones.

It goes in monthly step by steps, I will weigh and measure monthly, put in photos each month and outline my diet and exercise. I have extra pages in there for me to write down what is working and what isn't. Jot down what happened on a day I might fall off the wagon etc.

I learnt a lot last time regarding weight loss and I know I can definitely do that again.  This time I want to learn out to cook and eat for a full lifestyle change and also learn how to tone and sculpt efficiently.

I am excited to get back to the gym soon, probably wont be for another 2 months at least with recovery and getting baby to sleep etc but its all getting closer.

This is my journal so far, my diet and exercise is a scribble at the moment I will finalise it in the next week or so.

48 days to go

Well yet again its been ages and its simply because I am continually chasing my tail.  I don't really have time to blog today but I really want to so I am.

I am now 31+4 weeks pregnant and only 48days until induction.

I have managed 2 walks in the last 2 months and that is it.  Just when Z started sleeping through and I thought yay I can actually get up at 4:30 and go for a walk then bam we all get this annoying head cold which is more like hay fever on steroids and their sleeping goes to crap again. I have been thinking I will go during the day during nap and quiet time but I get so busy it just doesn't happen then either.  With 48days go to and a to do list over 2 pages long and some how getting bigger every day I simply do not have enough hours in my day.

So time to check in.  Due to the minimal or complete lack of exercise :( I have been gaining more weight than I would have liked.  I actually started Isagenixs at around 20weeks and I have been finding it great :) I have been trying to do 2 shakes, one bar, lunch and 1 snack. Most days I am fine others in all honesty just don't happen.

In total I have now gained 15kg!  Not bad considering the early weight gain. Still 5 kg over my max gain for the pregnancy though and what worries me is being in the last 10weeks my body can go crazy with fluid gain :( Doing this now though I am hoping to continue to hold myself accountable for these last 6 weeks and not gain any more unnecessary kgs!

This is the before pic at 69kg

This is today at 31+4 85kg

I know I am not doing that bad but I worked so hard to get where I was and the loss of muscle tone and fitness is something I am struggling to deal with :( I really miss exercise.

48days to go though and bubba boy will be here. I still have 6 weeks recovery on top of that though. I just want to go for a run! patience! hmmm not something I have ever been very good with.

I am also looking forward to putting more into the isagenix and doing it properly.  I stalled at 69kg before I fell pregnant which I found very frustrating.  Once I finish up breast feeding and I can do cleanse days etc I am excited to see what my body can achieve.  I am thinking for motivation I will do the isabody challenge for weight loss to start and then after that I think there is another one u can do for muscle gain or something.  Basically I know I have to start from the beginning. :( build up that base level of fitness and muscle whilst losing the excess weight.  Once down to the healthy weight range I can focus on losing the last bits of fat but really building the muscle and sculpting and toning.
At least this time I know I will never be falling pregnant again so there is now no limit on how far I can push my body and I can't wait to see what I can achieve :) I am excited to see what the next 12months will bring for my health, fitness and body :)

All this while my family grows and we move onto the next stage of our lives beyond new borns and toddlers :) I really am so excited to see what the future will bring :)

I think I am actually getting some of my mojo back.  Being pregnant really takes it out of you physically and emotionally. I know how lucky I am to have my 4 boys and appreciate that I was able to fall pregnant but being pregnant isn't something I particularly enjoy. I know you are supposed to but its not all glamour and glowing like they make out.  I happily give up my body for 10months plus breast feeding to grow my boys and give them absolutely everything they need but I do look forward to having my body back.

The new born stage isn't particularly enjoyable either.  Its a lot of hard work with no return.  Once baby hits about 4 months things start picking up.  Most people wont tell u this and understandably or we would never have kids lol. But knowing all this I am so completely and utterly overjoyed my family is complete and we are moving onto the next phase in our lives.

Once baby boys arrives though I do plan on keeping this updated more regularly so I can really document my journey :) I am really determined to reach the goal I have always had set out for myself but keep hitting road blocks every time I fall pregnant.  not this time! bring it on!

Frustrated but improving

3 weeks since my last post and I've managed 1 walk. My boys have been sick most of the time since that first walk and I haven't had much sleep. 

My weight has gone up to 84.3kg. Agh. I have been eating much better the last week really sticking to the plan. I just wish the weight would stop creeping on. 

I took some progress photos. 

The main thing that bothers me is lack I muscle but with no real exercise and absolutely no weight training there is no chance I will gain any from here until I start up again.

This was pre-preg at 69kg

This is 25weeks and 84kg 

Again my goals are to go for a walk every day. I set my alarm every night it all just depends on the kids and how they sleep. 

Also to eat well and stick to my diet plan. 

The Rollercoaster that is life

So things have turned around a lot since my last post.
B FINALLY listened to me. He has admitted he has a problem and is going to get help! I can imagine its going to be a long slow process but its a start!

This have been so much better all around because of it.  He realised what I meant by being lonely and since he is always at work the rest falls on me.  Just having him listen to that and try to understand it was so important.

Anyway a million times less stress going on.

unfortunately though my healthy eating and exercise still isn't going well.  I mentioned about getting worried bub was small. Well he has something called marginal cord insertion where instead of the cord inserting in the center of the placenta it has inserted 1-2cm from the edge.  Now this may not be an issue at all but it has been known to be associated with IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction).  Normally this doesn't become apparent until the 3rd trimester but as he did have that drop in growth between 14 and 20weeks its showing to have some affect on the amount of nutrients he is getting.  He is staying on the 40th percentile at the moment and I am due to see my OB again on the 10th.  We are hoping he stays on this growth curve which is perfectly fine. He will be closely monitored though and if he does start dropping and gets below that 10th percentile it might mean an early delivery.

My OB has said its perfectly fine for me to keep exercising and running.  I just haven't been.  I set my alarm for every morning and every morning I turn it off :( I will keep trying though and its always the first one that is the hardest.
The eating though is a different story.  I am eating reasonably healthy its just the snacking as I feel like I need to be doing something to help him grow so I constantly eat.  Ultimately I know it makes no difference and its just going to my arse but its just that need to feel like I am doing something.

Every day I am making small steps though a little healthier a little more sleep a little more energy and eventually I will get it right.  Every little bit of progress is still progress.

Due to the increased eating though I have unfortunately gone up to 82kg! Again its just a matter of trying to maintain it here. The last few days have been really good so I just have to try and keep it up and definitely have to get out for that morning walk.

My body really struggles in winter.  I think its that missing Vit D from the summer sun.  I tried to get out side and get a bit of sun this morning. Hopefully it helps a bit.

My goals for the next week. Eat healthy and snack on less rubbish food and get out for that morning walk at least once!

Stress and cortisol

One definitely can not underestimate the impact of stress and in turn cortisol on weight loss.

I've been under a lot of stress lately. In short B has been smoking majurana again on a daily basis this time and I'm too exhausted to continually fight these addiction issues he has and mix with that this business and him always being at work and me being a single parent to 3 kids 3 and under and pregnant. B and I have barely spoken in months, and when we do it's fighting. Ultimately my marriage is pretty much over. I can't keep forcing something to work that just isn't.

I have no support network around me so all this is just building and building the stress. Most days I feel like I'm drowning. 

Yesterday was one of thes days so I comfort ate and ate :( I was too tired and exhausted to care. 

Stress increases ur levels of cortisol which changes the way u store fat leading u to store more which also increases ur appetite so u eat more and it goes round and round leading to weight gain. 

Anyway I feel a bit better today still tired and my head feels foggy and mentally spent but I'm feeling stronger about my direction and I'm eating well. 

I still have my goal in my mind. I still want to get to my peak fitness and sculpt. 

This is of course on hold while pregnant so I'm focusing on eating well and trying to exercise regularly. 

Being the single parent of 3 little ones is also making it extremely hard to exercise. 

I miss the high intensity exercise. It's my meditation. I enjoy the weights and the changes it was making to my body but I love the running. I have the Treadmil in the garage but I barely make the gym :( this bothers me. 

Bubs will be here in about 18 weeks. Then there is about 6 weeks recovery and I can start to get back into it. 

There are a couple of think pink triathlons at the beginning of next year I might be able to do. I might just look at doing the short distances just to get back into it but still do something. The hardest part with this is having someone to watch the kids. Again that single parent thing. 

Being on hold from ur goal whilst trying to stay on track to it is hard. Makes it all feel so far away but it's for a wonderful reason and I am looking forward to baby boy getting here just with everything going on it's certainly hard to tread water. 

I've been thinking of setting my full gym up again. B sold all my equipment as I hadn't used it but that's because I had been trying to conceive for so long and miscarriages and pregnant etc. I do like going to the gym though it's nice to get out of the house but if I just never make it what is the point? Like now for example the two youngest are napping and the eldest has quiet time I could do a work out now. I can't go to the gym but I could do something here at home. 

Something to think about anyway. Once bub is here and I can do the 4:30am thing again it might be fine. 

I can do this! 

its been a long time

wow its been a long time
So I am 20weeks pregnant now and finally out of the morning sickness and migraine hell that I was in.
Unfortunately in those first 16weeks that were REALLY bad I ate heavy carbs to try and keep the nausea at bay, I didn't go to the gym as I was too tired and sick, and it led to weight gain :(

I started running up again about 3 weeks ago but its few and far between. The boys have all been sick and then I get sick, they aren't sleeping and the last few weeks I am lucky to get 4 hours sleep.

I got myself a fitbit surge though and I am tracking what I eat and although not perfect its way better than it was and I keep it under the 1800 cal recommended.
So although I can't always exercise I am keeping on top of the diet.

So all up I have gained 9kg in 20weeks.  agh! My biggest concern is that I lost a lot of muscle and gained a lot of fat. I am going to keep plugging away though.  I currently have strep throat and am on antibiotics and I have a cold with a really chesty cough so I am off exercise this week.  Normally I would exercise through it but not while pregnant.

Also I had my morphology scan last week and very excited to say its another boy.  When I found out I was a little sad it wasn't a girl but I always very quickly realise why I am a mum to boys.  During this scan though I found out he is growing a bit small.  he was measuring a week ahead and is now a week behind.  I have had a niggling feeling something was wrong and my not growing bump was worrying me and to have it confirmed during a scan has me a little worried.  Hopefully he was just due to go through a growth spurt but I am dropping back in my exercise until I see my OB next week and get the all clear all is OK. If there is a growth problem or placenta or something I don't want to make it all worse by exercising.

These are my progress photos.
before 70kg

14weeks 78kg

20weeks 79kg

Looking at these photos I can see the fluid in my face so my body must be holding onto more than I thought.  I am still in size 12 clothes which is good.  I would like to maintain this weight now until bub is born.  I would also like to increase my exercise to 5-6 times a week.  A couple of run, some weights and the elliptical.  Its just a matter of fitting it in as my 4:30am time slot doesn't work at the moment as my 15month old refuses to sleep at this time now. 

No gym :(

I haven't been to the gym in ages :( I'm either too tired and don't even remember turning the alarm off or I wake up like I did this morning and in the process of trying to get dresses I feel so sick and dizzy and nauseous I quickly collapse back into bed before I fall over. 

I'm up to 72kg I'm trying to stick to a healthy diet and some days are great especially seeing as I crave fruit on good days but on strong morning sickness days like today I have to eat heavy just to make it through. I had toast for breakfast, a roll with BBQ chicken for lunch. 

I hopefully as the ms settles down I can get back into more exercise and eating better. At the moment I just have to do what I can to survive the day. 

A whirlwind of 2 weeks almost gave up

So I've had a pretty crap couple of weeks and honestly I almost gave up. 

Last week I went to the gym fine but I was finding that I was coming home from work and binging. And I mean binging. I mentioned it in my last post and no matter what I was trying I couldn't stop it. 

Then came this week. I had 2 days sat and Sunday were I didn't want to eat anything at all. Not even remotely hungry. 

Then on Sunday my eldest son came down with gastro and then bang the whole house. 

I'm off work again today but we should all be fine to return to normal routine tomorrow. 

In this process though I had to stop taking the vitex tablets I am taking to try and return my cycle to normal as we do want to try for baby 4 in the coming months. Having not taking it yesterday and today omg my energy and mojo has returned. I feel like I'm ready to take on the world again and smash it. Which is more amazing as I still have the reminence of gastro holding on. I need to take it today but I'm so hestitant now. I know I'm taking it for a reason and if I can't get my cycle functioning better it will likely end in a miscarriage but agh is the zap in everything worth it? For another 6 weeks maybe but it could be a lot more than that if it doesn't happen straight up. 

I still have 5 weeks left of this challenge. I'm still only 69.5kg so the last few weeks I haven't lost any weight. That's ok though. I can still keep on going. Eat healthy exercise and the results will come. I would still like to be 65kg at the end which is only 4.5kg so still possible. 

We also have some big changes coming. Firstly we did end up buying the fish and chip shop so I will finish up work on my current job next week and then into the shop we go. Take away fish and chips aren't really my thing but it's a good bases and I want to bring in healthy food options. How frustrating is it when ur family wants to eat take away but u can never get a yummy healthy option for urself and stuff going to 2 difference places. So I want to bring in fresh salads and I'm going to look at warm ones coming into winter. Different types of grilled fish and maybe chicken. Lots of ideas churning away. 

Other than that of course is baby 4 when ever that comes about. In the next 3 years I want to build our own house. We would do it sooner but in order toget a mortgage when u have ur own business even if u have a great deposit u need to have 2 years of ownership and books to prove income and stability. 

I am very excited about building though. I can't wait! 

Then there is a vow Renewal. So B and I will have been together 10years next year. It will only be 7 married but why do people only ever count married years? It's not like u weren't together before that. We have been through a lot together in the past few years. We separated (not because we didn't love each other but because B was in a bad place and I didn't know how to help him anymore) our family will be complete and 4 kids in 10years is pretty good. After being with someone for that long u just develop a different kind of relationship. It would be nice to just refresh those vows to encompass who we are now and the relationship and family we have become. 

I just want it to be us and the kids. Someone to help control the kids lol and a photographer. It's not official and no spending lots of money. 

Exciting times ahead :) 

Tired! Sick/burn out/low iron and 1/2 way progress

I am so exhausted. :( I don't know what's going on. 

I thought it was lost mojo but I am completely spent. 

Sure I'm pushing myself a lot. Between having 3 little kids who mostly do sleep but sometimes don't, working 3 days a week and getting up at 3:45am, running our house hold, being stressed about what B is doing etc there is so much happening but that doesn't explain why I'm so tired. 

I went to the gym this morning and ran 6km but I've been doing that a lot. I didn't find it a stretch or anything. I then did my leg weights. I felt a bit tired but ok. Then I got home and my energy just started to drain. 

Maybe I'm not eating enough? I finding after work I am starving by time I get home I simply just binge. 

I'm frustrated with my lack of progress and I'm putting it down to binging which yes it's a binge but it's not massive. A few buscuits or a packet of the kids chips etc. The rest of my day I eat well it's just maybe 100-200cal in the afternoon. No

I'm half way on Monday so I will take measurements etc. I am wavering in mojo though. Now I'm 69kg I am wondering why I'm aiming for what I am. Why 65kg? Is that really maintainable for me?  I can still see so much fat to lose but is there a different approach for me? I do love exercise but i do miss food. Not fat crap food but just yummy dinners and the occasional special breakfast. 

I'm going to sit down and do a calorie count of my food a bit later. If I'm no rt eating enough that would explain why I'm so tired. 

So I decided to do my half way photos and measurements even though I'm 2 days off. I doubt it will change much in 2 days. 

I feel like its a lack of progress but maybe I was just expecting bigger changes now that I'm in the 60's. I still feel like I looked when I was 80kg. I now feel like there is still 15kg to lose. My goal posts are always changing. I always feel like there is always so far to go! 

Omg I did it

And there is it! A number I haven't seen in a very very long time! 

I have now lost 28.9kg. 4.8kg off my minor goal and 9.8 kg off my ultimate.

With still 2 days until weigh in for the end of week 5 so far I have lost 4.4kg. 

This week was very full on. First week back to work after Christmas so on wed,thur an Friday I was up at 3:45 and at the gym at 4:15 so I could get to work at 6:30. I got home from work wed and finished off cleaning for my rental inspection. Washed walls etc. Thursday arvo I got home cooked dinner and did 2 loads of washing before I picked the kids up and yesterday arvo/night I baby sat my nephew.

To say I collapsed into bed every night is an understatement! 

Seeing results like though it's rewarding. I am Starting to see changes else where too. 

I also started using a coffee scrub on my skin every night. I want to try and reduce the cellulite. I have taken a before photo we will see what it is like after a month. 

This is what I used 

1jar coconut oil. 

Bag ground coffee (I got it for $2 a bag at a discount outlet)

1 packet salt flakes 

1 cup of raw sugar. (Didn't have any brown sugar)

Stored it in a glass water tight container. 

Sick and self doubt

So the cold that I had mentioned decided to take some viral steroids and has slammed me. Agh! I feel like crap. It is only a cold though so I keep on going. My run this morning was painful. This is mainly is a front of face sinus thing and a bit of a sore throat with a wonderful headache. The sinus thing got me on the run though. My face was absolutely burning. I do just feel tired and run down and out of sorts. It will pass. 

I have also let the negative self doubt thoughts come rushing in. Because I haven't been able to put my normal effort into the gym and because I'm sick and tired and comfort snacking just a little I'm letting those thoughts of u won't be able to achieve ur goal to creep in. I'm half way through week 3 I should be started to see some changes but can I? I don't know! I do remember I went through this in the last one. One part of me regrets publishing my story especially when I'm not yet finished my weightloss journey. I'm really wondering why I did it as those negative comments do bounce around in ur head and I am asking myself was it worth it? Today when I'm tired and sick I definitely think no! 

I just have to keep telling myself  As long as I keep going it will pay off. Just keep going. I'm 7.5kg from my goal. Just keep going! 

I did buy myself this beauty today! It make my turkey breast for my salad so moist. Love love love it! 

Arms and core tomorrow morning. Did legs today. I'm not feeling the after burn on the legs. Hmmm. It hurts while doing it but maybe not enough??? I know with my dead lifts I'm using my lower back toward the end so I need to correct this but maybe my weights just aren't heavy enough??? Saturday I will put them up and see. Might also need to add some more in. I don't think I'm doing enough. I was going to add a few more this mornin but I felt like crud so just did my normal routine. Might spend some time tomorrow looking up some lighter weighted things I can super set the heavy stuff with. Eg I do my dead lifts supersetted with 25kg kettle bell sumo squat.

Think time :) I can do this! 

Tired day :(

So today hasn't been the best day. Some times getting up at 4am every single day takes it's toll. I also have a little cold that's annoying me seems to be easing though. 

When Zach woke me for a feed i so could have gone back to bed and kept sleeping. I do wait 15-20mins to see if he has indeed gone back to sleep this morning he didn't. As he sleep through he seems to want that 2nd bottle to go back to sleep. Gave him that got dressed and off I went. I still managed a tough session and burnt a good 850cal in an hour 15 but I just felt tired. Really tired. I haven't had a test day in over a week. Probably very naughty but I just want to get it done. 

Because of being extra tired my body is searching for empty calories. Instead of making something good I am snacking on chocolate. Agh. It's only been 10 squares of Turkish delight but still it's not needed. I had my normal smoothy for breakfast and my turkey breast salad for lunch. I'm over snacking now and will have my protein shake at 2:30 and my egg white omelette for dinner so it's not all blown out but it annoys me when I eat like that. Only because I don't do it because I enjoy it it's for the wrong reasons. 

I LOVE chocolate especially Turkish delight and I usually allow myself to enjoy 1-2 squares a day. This is living of course and why completely deny urself everything. I don't drink or eat bad take away food so it's my little simple pleasure. Today it wasn't about tht though I allowed my emotional tired self just mindlessly snack. 

I could tAke a rest day tomorrow I will see how I wake up. If I don't I might just do a small day. Maybe a quick ride some core work and a swim. Now my tri suit is here I really want to try it out! 

New suit arrived!!!

Yay my new tri suit just arrived. It's a medium and I was worried it would be too tight but it fits great! Will need a tri bra to go underneath though. 

This was my back this morning after smashing it at the gym. I do think some muscle is starting to come through :)

Selfie look see

So I thought I would take some close up photos to review my progress a bit. Remember I'm only just starting week 4 so a long way to go. 

First up my shoulders and back. Hmm maybe a little muscle coming through? Still got those annoying tuckshop lady arms. They are getting better though. 

A front look. My husband commented the other day if I get to 60kg I'm going to look gaunt. Hmmmm. Yes my face is a lot thinner but hopefully i don't lose any more from there. I can see more definition after arm day which is tomorrow. And yes stunned mullet that's past her bed time and been up since 4am. 

Then comes the tummy. More fat gone but still I think I most definitely need to up my core work! My size 12 shorts are all getting too big now which is amazing as they didn't fit and I never ever thought they would when I started this journey. I've pulled them up for the photo they normally show about 5cm of undies. I'm more amazing they fit loosely around my legs than anything but Don't worry I only wear them around the house haha!  

And lastly my most hated part of my body. :( I have tried to accept them and I 

Am trying to beat them into submission by pushing them so hard with both cardio and heavy weights. They still refuse to give in though. I'm not giving up

The fight that easily though! 

These are the loose size 12 shorts. Sorry about the grainy pic no idea what's with that. 

These 2 photos are my pain right now. Yes my muscles are sore and tired but this pain is different. Sunday morning I got to the gym at 5am and of course I was the only one there. I thought hmmm haven't boxed in a while might do some of that. I grabbed my new boxing straps and off I went. It didn't hurt at the time but omfg they hurt now. Putting them in water is so painful and when i do 3 lots of dishes, kids bath time, constant wash down of dirty boys. They are pretty much agonsing all day. :( no pain no gain right lol and the boxing was a fun change. Probably won't be doing it for a while though haha. 

End week 3 weigh in

So weighed in at 71.5kg this morning: that's another 1kg down this week! So in 3 weeks I have lost 2.7kg. I don't expect to keep up this kind of weight loss as I'm down to the smaller end. I'm 11.5kg of my ultimate weightloss goal. I'm only aiming for 65kg in this challenge but I would love to reach 60kg. I haven't been that since I was a teenager. I did get down to 63kg in my early 20's but that's the closest I ever got.

I'm also lifting heavy weights now to build and time muscle and I'm well aware that muscle is heavier and denser than fat so whilst I might get smaller the scale may not reflect this. 

Some of my size 12's are now gettig a bit big which is nice :) 

I've also started to do a dry brush in the mornings to see if I can improve the appearance of my cellulite. Unfortunately because I was overweight as a child I developed it as soon as I went through pubity. I always asked my mum why she never helped me try to lose weight and her response was because in her eyes she never so me as over weight even when the school uniform dress shop had to order dresses in for me as I didn't fit the standard size. That right there is a life of mental scarring. If u read this and u have a daughter over weight please help her lose some weight. Not to bring her down but because u love her and u want her to be happy and healthy because believe me a life of hard work to teach an old dog new tricks is hard! It's not about being skinny it's about being healthy. 

I don't ever expect to rid myself of the cellulite I've had pretty much all my life but improving it a little would be nice. 

Week 3

So week 3 is drawing to a close. Official weigh in tomorrow. It's been a good week. Trained hard ate well. 

I have started trying to incorporate my longer distances for my next enticer tri coming up in 6 weeks. As this one is bigger 600m swim/18km ride /6km run I do have to train for it.

The run I'm good for. I do 6km in 35mins which isn't to bad. I won't do this speed on the day I know this as I do have the swim and ride before it but I just want to complete all distances without stopping or slowing down.

I need to get into the ride and swim though. I'm not too worried about the swim as I can get into the water and easily do 1.2km but it would still be nice to train a bit so I can really push myself. 

I ordered a proper tri suit which should arrive tomorrow and a race number belt and some shoe lace clips. All this should hopefully mean a quicker smoother transition. 

So the other thing which I guess is kinda amusing. I am lucky I am really thick skinned. I can imagine it would definitely get a lot of others down. No wonder so many over weight women give up the constant difficult fight that is losing weight. Not only do u have ur own negative voices u also have those hates that just have to put people down probably to make themselves feel better. 

So women's health and fitness mag shared my story on FAcebook tonight. Of course many people were encouraging but there are alway those who have to be negative and put u down. 

It has taken me a long time to accept my post baby body. Having kids changes ur body so much. It's been less than 12months since I had my last baby and post baby everything is so much softer and squishier. Let's not even mention that yes I'm carrying extra weight it's totally different now. 

I have accepted my lumps and bumps and I am working to improve that even more but people will always have to comment negative stuff. I exercise and eat well because I love myself not because I hate it. 

It's a shame but ultimately I am very proud of how far I have come and whilst my journey isn't complete, I am still working hard and I'm not going to beat myself down and focus on those things. 

The biggest thing is I have lost a lot of weight I am fit and healthy and I know eventually in time I will reach my goal weight. :)