I've been under a lot of stress lately. In short B has been smoking majurana again on a daily basis this time and I'm too exhausted to continually fight these addiction issues he has and mix with that this business and him always being at work and me being a single parent to 3 kids 3 and under and pregnant. B and I have barely spoken in months, and when we do it's fighting. Ultimately my marriage is pretty much over. I can't keep forcing something to work that just isn't.
I have no support network around me so all this is just building and building the stress. Most days I feel like I'm drowning.
Yesterday was one of thes days so I comfort ate and ate :( I was too tired and exhausted to care.
Stress increases ur levels of cortisol which changes the way u store fat leading u to store more which also increases ur appetite so u eat more and it goes round and round leading to weight gain.
Anyway I feel a bit better today still tired and my head feels foggy and mentally spent but I'm feeling stronger about my direction and I'm eating well.
I still have my goal in my mind. I still want to get to my peak fitness and sculpt.
This is of course on hold while pregnant so I'm focusing on eating well and trying to exercise regularly.
Being the single parent of 3 little ones is also making it extremely hard to exercise.
I miss the high intensity exercise. It's my meditation. I enjoy the weights and the changes it was making to my body but I love the running. I have the Treadmil in the garage but I barely make the gym :( this bothers me.
Bubs will be here in about 18 weeks. Then there is about 6 weeks recovery and I can start to get back into it.
There are a couple of think pink triathlons at the beginning of next year I might be able to do. I might just look at doing the short distances just to get back into it but still do something. The hardest part with this is having someone to watch the kids. Again that single parent thing.
Being on hold from ur goal whilst trying to stay on track to it is hard. Makes it all feel so far away but it's for a wonderful reason and I am looking forward to baby boy getting here just with everything going on it's certainly hard to tread water.
I've been thinking of setting my full gym up again. B sold all my equipment as I hadn't used it but that's because I had been trying to conceive for so long and miscarriages and pregnant etc. I do like going to the gym though it's nice to get out of the house but if I just never make it what is the point? Like now for example the two youngest are napping and the eldest has quiet time I could do a work out now. I can't go to the gym but I could do something here at home.
Something to think about anyway. Once bub is here and I can do the 4:30am thing again it might be fine.
I can do this!
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