Tired! Sick/burn out/low iron and 1/2 way progress

I am so exhausted. :( I don't know what's going on. 

I thought it was lost mojo but I am completely spent. 

Sure I'm pushing myself a lot. Between having 3 little kids who mostly do sleep but sometimes don't, working 3 days a week and getting up at 3:45am, running our house hold, being stressed about what B is doing etc there is so much happening but that doesn't explain why I'm so tired. 

I went to the gym this morning and ran 6km but I've been doing that a lot. I didn't find it a stretch or anything. I then did my leg weights. I felt a bit tired but ok. Then I got home and my energy just started to drain. 

Maybe I'm not eating enough? I finding after work I am starving by time I get home I simply just binge. 

I'm frustrated with my lack of progress and I'm putting it down to binging which yes it's a binge but it's not massive. A few buscuits or a packet of the kids chips etc. The rest of my day I eat well it's just maybe 100-200cal in the afternoon. No

I'm half way on Monday so I will take measurements etc. I am wavering in mojo though. Now I'm 69kg I am wondering why I'm aiming for what I am. Why 65kg? Is that really maintainable for me?  I can still see so much fat to lose but is there a different approach for me? I do love exercise but i do miss food. Not fat crap food but just yummy dinners and the occasional special breakfast. 

I'm going to sit down and do a calorie count of my food a bit later. If I'm no rt eating enough that would explain why I'm so tired. 

So I decided to do my half way photos and measurements even though I'm 2 days off. I doubt it will change much in 2 days. 

I feel like its a lack of progress but maybe I was just expecting bigger changes now that I'm in the 60's. I still feel like I looked when I was 80kg. I now feel like there is still 15kg to lose. My goal posts are always changing. I always feel like there is always so far to go! 

Omg I did it

And there is it! A number I haven't seen in a very very long time! 

I have now lost 28.9kg. 4.8kg off my minor goal and 9.8 kg off my ultimate.

With still 2 days until weigh in for the end of week 5 so far I have lost 4.4kg. 

This week was very full on. First week back to work after Christmas so on wed,thur an Friday I was up at 3:45 and at the gym at 4:15 so I could get to work at 6:30. I got home from work wed and finished off cleaning for my rental inspection. Washed walls etc. Thursday arvo I got home cooked dinner and did 2 loads of washing before I picked the kids up and yesterday arvo/night I baby sat my nephew.

To say I collapsed into bed every night is an understatement! 

Seeing results like though it's rewarding. I am Starting to see changes else where too. 

I also started using a coffee scrub on my skin every night. I want to try and reduce the cellulite. I have taken a before photo we will see what it is like after a month. 

This is what I used 

1jar coconut oil. 

Bag ground coffee (I got it for $2 a bag at a discount outlet)

1 packet salt flakes 

1 cup of raw sugar. (Didn't have any brown sugar)

Stored it in a glass water tight container. 

Sick and self doubt

So the cold that I had mentioned decided to take some viral steroids and has slammed me. Agh! I feel like crap. It is only a cold though so I keep on going. My run this morning was painful. This is mainly is a front of face sinus thing and a bit of a sore throat with a wonderful headache. The sinus thing got me on the run though. My face was absolutely burning. I do just feel tired and run down and out of sorts. It will pass. 

I have also let the negative self doubt thoughts come rushing in. Because I haven't been able to put my normal effort into the gym and because I'm sick and tired and comfort snacking just a little I'm letting those thoughts of u won't be able to achieve ur goal to creep in. I'm half way through week 3 I should be started to see some changes but can I? I don't know! I do remember I went through this in the last one. One part of me regrets publishing my story especially when I'm not yet finished my weightloss journey. I'm really wondering why I did it as those negative comments do bounce around in ur head and I am asking myself was it worth it? Today when I'm tired and sick I definitely think no! 

I just have to keep telling myself  As long as I keep going it will pay off. Just keep going. I'm 7.5kg from my goal. Just keep going! 

I did buy myself this beauty today! It make my turkey breast for my salad so moist. Love love love it! 

Arms and core tomorrow morning. Did legs today. I'm not feeling the after burn on the legs. Hmmm. It hurts while doing it but maybe not enough??? I know with my dead lifts I'm using my lower back toward the end so I need to correct this but maybe my weights just aren't heavy enough??? Saturday I will put them up and see. Might also need to add some more in. I don't think I'm doing enough. I was going to add a few more this mornin but I felt like crud so just did my normal routine. Might spend some time tomorrow looking up some lighter weighted things I can super set the heavy stuff with. Eg I do my dead lifts supersetted with 25kg kettle bell sumo squat.

Think time :) I can do this! 

Tired day :(

So today hasn't been the best day. Some times getting up at 4am every single day takes it's toll. I also have a little cold that's annoying me seems to be easing though. 

When Zach woke me for a feed i so could have gone back to bed and kept sleeping. I do wait 15-20mins to see if he has indeed gone back to sleep this morning he didn't. As he sleep through he seems to want that 2nd bottle to go back to sleep. Gave him that got dressed and off I went. I still managed a tough session and burnt a good 850cal in an hour 15 but I just felt tired. Really tired. I haven't had a test day in over a week. Probably very naughty but I just want to get it done. 

Because of being extra tired my body is searching for empty calories. Instead of making something good I am snacking on chocolate. Agh. It's only been 10 squares of Turkish delight but still it's not needed. I had my normal smoothy for breakfast and my turkey breast salad for lunch. I'm over snacking now and will have my protein shake at 2:30 and my egg white omelette for dinner so it's not all blown out but it annoys me when I eat like that. Only because I don't do it because I enjoy it it's for the wrong reasons. 

I LOVE chocolate especially Turkish delight and I usually allow myself to enjoy 1-2 squares a day. This is living of course and why completely deny urself everything. I don't drink or eat bad take away food so it's my little simple pleasure. Today it wasn't about tht though I allowed my emotional tired self just mindlessly snack. 

I could tAke a rest day tomorrow I will see how I wake up. If I don't I might just do a small day. Maybe a quick ride some core work and a swim. Now my tri suit is here I really want to try it out! 

New suit arrived!!!

Yay my new tri suit just arrived. It's a medium and I was worried it would be too tight but it fits great! Will need a tri bra to go underneath though. 

This was my back this morning after smashing it at the gym. I do think some muscle is starting to come through :)

Selfie look see

So I thought I would take some close up photos to review my progress a bit. Remember I'm only just starting week 4 so a long way to go. 

First up my shoulders and back. Hmm maybe a little muscle coming through? Still got those annoying tuckshop lady arms. They are getting better though. 

A front look. My husband commented the other day if I get to 60kg I'm going to look gaunt. Hmmmm. Yes my face is a lot thinner but hopefully i don't lose any more from there. I can see more definition after arm day which is tomorrow. And yes stunned mullet that's past her bed time and been up since 4am. 

Then comes the tummy. More fat gone but still I think I most definitely need to up my core work! My size 12 shorts are all getting too big now which is amazing as they didn't fit and I never ever thought they would when I started this journey. I've pulled them up for the photo they normally show about 5cm of undies. I'm more amazing they fit loosely around my legs than anything but Don't worry I only wear them around the house haha!  

And lastly my most hated part of my body. :( I have tried to accept them and I 

Am trying to beat them into submission by pushing them so hard with both cardio and heavy weights. They still refuse to give in though. I'm not giving up

The fight that easily though! 

These are the loose size 12 shorts. Sorry about the grainy pic no idea what's with that. 

These 2 photos are my pain right now. Yes my muscles are sore and tired but this pain is different. Sunday morning I got to the gym at 5am and of course I was the only one there. I thought hmmm haven't boxed in a while might do some of that. I grabbed my new boxing straps and off I went. It didn't hurt at the time but omfg they hurt now. Putting them in water is so painful and when i do 3 lots of dishes, kids bath time, constant wash down of dirty boys. They are pretty much agonsing all day. :( no pain no gain right lol and the boxing was a fun change. Probably won't be doing it for a while though haha. 

End week 3 weigh in

So weighed in at 71.5kg this morning: that's another 1kg down this week! So in 3 weeks I have lost 2.7kg. I don't expect to keep up this kind of weight loss as I'm down to the smaller end. I'm 11.5kg of my ultimate weightloss goal. I'm only aiming for 65kg in this challenge but I would love to reach 60kg. I haven't been that since I was a teenager. I did get down to 63kg in my early 20's but that's the closest I ever got.

I'm also lifting heavy weights now to build and time muscle and I'm well aware that muscle is heavier and denser than fat so whilst I might get smaller the scale may not reflect this. 

Some of my size 12's are now gettig a bit big which is nice :) 

I've also started to do a dry brush in the mornings to see if I can improve the appearance of my cellulite. Unfortunately because I was overweight as a child I developed it as soon as I went through pubity. I always asked my mum why she never helped me try to lose weight and her response was because in her eyes she never so me as over weight even when the school uniform dress shop had to order dresses in for me as I didn't fit the standard size. That right there is a life of mental scarring. If u read this and u have a daughter over weight please help her lose some weight. Not to bring her down but because u love her and u want her to be happy and healthy because believe me a life of hard work to teach an old dog new tricks is hard! It's not about being skinny it's about being healthy. 

I don't ever expect to rid myself of the cellulite I've had pretty much all my life but improving it a little would be nice. 

Week 3

So week 3 is drawing to a close. Official weigh in tomorrow. It's been a good week. Trained hard ate well. 

I have started trying to incorporate my longer distances for my next enticer tri coming up in 6 weeks. As this one is bigger 600m swim/18km ride /6km run I do have to train for it.

The run I'm good for. I do 6km in 35mins which isn't to bad. I won't do this speed on the day I know this as I do have the swim and ride before it but I just want to complete all distances without stopping or slowing down.

I need to get into the ride and swim though. I'm not too worried about the swim as I can get into the water and easily do 1.2km but it would still be nice to train a bit so I can really push myself. 

I ordered a proper tri suit which should arrive tomorrow and a race number belt and some shoe lace clips. All this should hopefully mean a quicker smoother transition. 

So the other thing which I guess is kinda amusing. I am lucky I am really thick skinned. I can imagine it would definitely get a lot of others down. No wonder so many over weight women give up the constant difficult fight that is losing weight. Not only do u have ur own negative voices u also have those hates that just have to put people down probably to make themselves feel better. 

So women's health and fitness mag shared my story on FAcebook tonight. Of course many people were encouraging but there are alway those who have to be negative and put u down. 

It has taken me a long time to accept my post baby body. Having kids changes ur body so much. It's been less than 12months since I had my last baby and post baby everything is so much softer and squishier. Let's not even mention that yes I'm carrying extra weight it's totally different now. 

I have accepted my lumps and bumps and I am working to improve that even more but people will always have to comment negative stuff. I exercise and eat well because I love myself not because I hate it. 

It's a shame but ultimately I am very proud of how far I have come and whilst my journey isn't complete, I am still working hard and I'm not going to beat myself down and focus on those things. 

The biggest thing is I have lost a lot of weight I am fit and healthy and I know eventually in time I will reach my goal weight. :)