48 days to go

Well yet again its been ages and its simply because I am continually chasing my tail.  I don't really have time to blog today but I really want to so I am.

I am now 31+4 weeks pregnant and only 48days until induction.

I have managed 2 walks in the last 2 months and that is it.  Just when Z started sleeping through and I thought yay I can actually get up at 4:30 and go for a walk then bam we all get this annoying head cold which is more like hay fever on steroids and their sleeping goes to crap again. I have been thinking I will go during the day during nap and quiet time but I get so busy it just doesn't happen then either.  With 48days go to and a to do list over 2 pages long and some how getting bigger every day I simply do not have enough hours in my day.

So time to check in.  Due to the minimal or complete lack of exercise :( I have been gaining more weight than I would have liked.  I actually started Isagenixs at around 20weeks and I have been finding it great :) I have been trying to do 2 shakes, one bar, lunch and 1 snack. Most days I am fine others in all honesty just don't happen.

In total I have now gained 15kg!  Not bad considering the early weight gain. Still 5 kg over my max gain for the pregnancy though and what worries me is being in the last 10weeks my body can go crazy with fluid gain :( Doing this now though I am hoping to continue to hold myself accountable for these last 6 weeks and not gain any more unnecessary kgs!

This is the before pic at 69kg

This is today at 31+4 85kg

I know I am not doing that bad but I worked so hard to get where I was and the loss of muscle tone and fitness is something I am struggling to deal with :( I really miss exercise.

48days to go though and bubba boy will be here. I still have 6 weeks recovery on top of that though. I just want to go for a run! patience! hmmm not something I have ever been very good with.

I am also looking forward to putting more into the isagenix and doing it properly.  I stalled at 69kg before I fell pregnant which I found very frustrating.  Once I finish up breast feeding and I can do cleanse days etc I am excited to see what my body can achieve.  I am thinking for motivation I will do the isabody challenge for weight loss to start and then after that I think there is another one u can do for muscle gain or something.  Basically I know I have to start from the beginning. :( build up that base level of fitness and muscle whilst losing the excess weight.  Once down to the healthy weight range I can focus on losing the last bits of fat but really building the muscle and sculpting and toning.
At least this time I know I will never be falling pregnant again so there is now no limit on how far I can push my body and I can't wait to see what I can achieve :) I am excited to see what the next 12months will bring for my health, fitness and body :)

All this while my family grows and we move onto the next stage of our lives beyond new borns and toddlers :) I really am so excited to see what the future will bring :)

I think I am actually getting some of my mojo back.  Being pregnant really takes it out of you physically and emotionally. I know how lucky I am to have my 4 boys and appreciate that I was able to fall pregnant but being pregnant isn't something I particularly enjoy. I know you are supposed to but its not all glamour and glowing like they make out.  I happily give up my body for 10months plus breast feeding to grow my boys and give them absolutely everything they need but I do look forward to having my body back.

The new born stage isn't particularly enjoyable either.  Its a lot of hard work with no return.  Once baby hits about 4 months things start picking up.  Most people wont tell u this and understandably or we would never have kids lol. But knowing all this I am so completely and utterly overjoyed my family is complete and we are moving onto the next phase in our lives.

Once baby boys arrives though I do plan on keeping this updated more regularly so I can really document my journey :) I am really determined to reach the goal I have always had set out for myself but keep hitting road blocks every time I fall pregnant.  not this time! bring it on!

Frustrated but improving

3 weeks since my last post and I've managed 1 walk. My boys have been sick most of the time since that first walk and I haven't had much sleep. 

My weight has gone up to 84.3kg. Agh. I have been eating much better the last week really sticking to the plan. I just wish the weight would stop creeping on. 

I took some progress photos. 

The main thing that bothers me is lack I muscle but with no real exercise and absolutely no weight training there is no chance I will gain any from here until I start up again.

This was pre-preg at 69kg

This is 25weeks and 84kg 

Again my goals are to go for a walk every day. I set my alarm every night it all just depends on the kids and how they sleep. 

Also to eat well and stick to my diet plan. 

The Rollercoaster that is life

So things have turned around a lot since my last post.
B FINALLY listened to me. He has admitted he has a problem and is going to get help! I can imagine its going to be a long slow process but its a start!

This have been so much better all around because of it.  He realised what I meant by being lonely and since he is always at work the rest falls on me.  Just having him listen to that and try to understand it was so important.

Anyway a million times less stress going on.

unfortunately though my healthy eating and exercise still isn't going well.  I mentioned about getting worried bub was small. Well he has something called marginal cord insertion where instead of the cord inserting in the center of the placenta it has inserted 1-2cm from the edge.  Now this may not be an issue at all but it has been known to be associated with IUGR (intrauterine growth restriction).  Normally this doesn't become apparent until the 3rd trimester but as he did have that drop in growth between 14 and 20weeks its showing to have some affect on the amount of nutrients he is getting.  He is staying on the 40th percentile at the moment and I am due to see my OB again on the 10th.  We are hoping he stays on this growth curve which is perfectly fine. He will be closely monitored though and if he does start dropping and gets below that 10th percentile it might mean an early delivery.

My OB has said its perfectly fine for me to keep exercising and running.  I just haven't been.  I set my alarm for every morning and every morning I turn it off :( I will keep trying though and its always the first one that is the hardest.
The eating though is a different story.  I am eating reasonably healthy its just the snacking as I feel like I need to be doing something to help him grow so I constantly eat.  Ultimately I know it makes no difference and its just going to my arse but its just that need to feel like I am doing something.

Every day I am making small steps though a little healthier a little more sleep a little more energy and eventually I will get it right.  Every little bit of progress is still progress.

Due to the increased eating though I have unfortunately gone up to 82kg! Again its just a matter of trying to maintain it here. The last few days have been really good so I just have to try and keep it up and definitely have to get out for that morning walk.

My body really struggles in winter.  I think its that missing Vit D from the summer sun.  I tried to get out side and get a bit of sun this morning. Hopefully it helps a bit.

My goals for the next week. Eat healthy and snack on less rubbish food and get out for that morning walk at least once!

Stress and cortisol

One definitely can not underestimate the impact of stress and in turn cortisol on weight loss.

I've been under a lot of stress lately. In short B has been smoking majurana again on a daily basis this time and I'm too exhausted to continually fight these addiction issues he has and mix with that this business and him always being at work and me being a single parent to 3 kids 3 and under and pregnant. B and I have barely spoken in months, and when we do it's fighting. Ultimately my marriage is pretty much over. I can't keep forcing something to work that just isn't.

I have no support network around me so all this is just building and building the stress. Most days I feel like I'm drowning. 

Yesterday was one of thes days so I comfort ate and ate :( I was too tired and exhausted to care. 

Stress increases ur levels of cortisol which changes the way u store fat leading u to store more which also increases ur appetite so u eat more and it goes round and round leading to weight gain. 

Anyway I feel a bit better today still tired and my head feels foggy and mentally spent but I'm feeling stronger about my direction and I'm eating well. 

I still have my goal in my mind. I still want to get to my peak fitness and sculpt. 

This is of course on hold while pregnant so I'm focusing on eating well and trying to exercise regularly. 

Being the single parent of 3 little ones is also making it extremely hard to exercise. 

I miss the high intensity exercise. It's my meditation. I enjoy the weights and the changes it was making to my body but I love the running. I have the Treadmil in the garage but I barely make the gym :( this bothers me. 

Bubs will be here in about 18 weeks. Then there is about 6 weeks recovery and I can start to get back into it. 

There are a couple of think pink triathlons at the beginning of next year I might be able to do. I might just look at doing the short distances just to get back into it but still do something. The hardest part with this is having someone to watch the kids. Again that single parent thing. 

Being on hold from ur goal whilst trying to stay on track to it is hard. Makes it all feel so far away but it's for a wonderful reason and I am looking forward to baby boy getting here just with everything going on it's certainly hard to tread water. 

I've been thinking of setting my full gym up again. B sold all my equipment as I hadn't used it but that's because I had been trying to conceive for so long and miscarriages and pregnant etc. I do like going to the gym though it's nice to get out of the house but if I just never make it what is the point? Like now for example the two youngest are napping and the eldest has quiet time I could do a work out now. I can't go to the gym but I could do something here at home. 

Something to think about anyway. Once bub is here and I can do the 4:30am thing again it might be fine. 

I can do this! 

its been a long time

wow its been a long time
So I am 20weeks pregnant now and finally out of the morning sickness and migraine hell that I was in.
Unfortunately in those first 16weeks that were REALLY bad I ate heavy carbs to try and keep the nausea at bay, I didn't go to the gym as I was too tired and sick, and it led to weight gain :(

I started running up again about 3 weeks ago but its few and far between. The boys have all been sick and then I get sick, they aren't sleeping and the last few weeks I am lucky to get 4 hours sleep.

I got myself a fitbit surge though and I am tracking what I eat and although not perfect its way better than it was and I keep it under the 1800 cal recommended.
So although I can't always exercise I am keeping on top of the diet.

So all up I have gained 9kg in 20weeks.  agh! My biggest concern is that I lost a lot of muscle and gained a lot of fat. I am going to keep plugging away though.  I currently have strep throat and am on antibiotics and I have a cold with a really chesty cough so I am off exercise this week.  Normally I would exercise through it but not while pregnant.

Also I had my morphology scan last week and very excited to say its another boy.  When I found out I was a little sad it wasn't a girl but I always very quickly realise why I am a mum to boys.  During this scan though I found out he is growing a bit small.  he was measuring a week ahead and is now a week behind.  I have had a niggling feeling something was wrong and my not growing bump was worrying me and to have it confirmed during a scan has me a little worried.  Hopefully he was just due to go through a growth spurt but I am dropping back in my exercise until I see my OB next week and get the all clear all is OK. If there is a growth problem or placenta or something I don't want to make it all worse by exercising.

These are my progress photos.
before 70kg

14weeks 78kg

20weeks 79kg

Looking at these photos I can see the fluid in my face so my body must be holding onto more than I thought.  I am still in size 12 clothes which is good.  I would like to maintain this weight now until bub is born.  I would also like to increase my exercise to 5-6 times a week.  A couple of run, some weights and the elliptical.  Its just a matter of fitting it in as my 4:30am time slot doesn't work at the moment as my 15month old refuses to sleep at this time now. 

No gym :(

I haven't been to the gym in ages :( I'm either too tired and don't even remember turning the alarm off or I wake up like I did this morning and in the process of trying to get dresses I feel so sick and dizzy and nauseous I quickly collapse back into bed before I fall over. 

I'm up to 72kg I'm trying to stick to a healthy diet and some days are great especially seeing as I crave fruit on good days but on strong morning sickness days like today I have to eat heavy just to make it through. I had toast for breakfast, a roll with BBQ chicken for lunch. 

I hopefully as the ms settles down I can get back into more exercise and eating better. At the moment I just have to do what I can to survive the day. 

A whirlwind of 2 weeks almost gave up

So I've had a pretty crap couple of weeks and honestly I almost gave up. 

Last week I went to the gym fine but I was finding that I was coming home from work and binging. And I mean binging. I mentioned it in my last post and no matter what I was trying I couldn't stop it. 

Then came this week. I had 2 days sat and Sunday were I didn't want to eat anything at all. Not even remotely hungry. 

Then on Sunday my eldest son came down with gastro and then bang the whole house. 

I'm off work again today but we should all be fine to return to normal routine tomorrow. 

In this process though I had to stop taking the vitex tablets I am taking to try and return my cycle to normal as we do want to try for baby 4 in the coming months. Having not taking it yesterday and today omg my energy and mojo has returned. I feel like I'm ready to take on the world again and smash it. Which is more amazing as I still have the reminence of gastro holding on. I need to take it today but I'm so hestitant now. I know I'm taking it for a reason and if I can't get my cycle functioning better it will likely end in a miscarriage but agh is the zap in everything worth it? For another 6 weeks maybe but it could be a lot more than that if it doesn't happen straight up. 

I still have 5 weeks left of this challenge. I'm still only 69.5kg so the last few weeks I haven't lost any weight. That's ok though. I can still keep on going. Eat healthy exercise and the results will come. I would still like to be 65kg at the end which is only 4.5kg so still possible. 

We also have some big changes coming. Firstly we did end up buying the fish and chip shop so I will finish up work on my current job next week and then into the shop we go. Take away fish and chips aren't really my thing but it's a good bases and I want to bring in healthy food options. How frustrating is it when ur family wants to eat take away but u can never get a yummy healthy option for urself and stuff going to 2 difference places. So I want to bring in fresh salads and I'm going to look at warm ones coming into winter. Different types of grilled fish and maybe chicken. Lots of ideas churning away. 

Other than that of course is baby 4 when ever that comes about. In the next 3 years I want to build our own house. We would do it sooner but in order toget a mortgage when u have ur own business even if u have a great deposit u need to have 2 years of ownership and books to prove income and stability. 

I am very excited about building though. I can't wait! 

Then there is a vow Renewal. So B and I will have been together 10years next year. It will only be 7 married but why do people only ever count married years? It's not like u weren't together before that. We have been through a lot together in the past few years. We separated (not because we didn't love each other but because B was in a bad place and I didn't know how to help him anymore) our family will be complete and 4 kids in 10years is pretty good. After being with someone for that long u just develop a different kind of relationship. It would be nice to just refresh those vows to encompass who we are now and the relationship and family we have become. 

I just want it to be us and the kids. Someone to help control the kids lol and a photographer. It's not official and no spending lots of money. 

Exciting times ahead :)