No gym :(

I haven't been to the gym in ages :( I'm either too tired and don't even remember turning the alarm off or I wake up like I did this morning and in the process of trying to get dresses I feel so sick and dizzy and nauseous I quickly collapse back into bed before I fall over. 

I'm up to 72kg I'm trying to stick to a healthy diet and some days are great especially seeing as I crave fruit on good days but on strong morning sickness days like today I have to eat heavy just to make it through. I had toast for breakfast, a roll with BBQ chicken for lunch. 

I hopefully as the ms settles down I can get back into more exercise and eating better. At the moment I just have to do what I can to survive the day. 

A whirlwind of 2 weeks almost gave up

So I've had a pretty crap couple of weeks and honestly I almost gave up. 

Last week I went to the gym fine but I was finding that I was coming home from work and binging. And I mean binging. I mentioned it in my last post and no matter what I was trying I couldn't stop it. 

Then came this week. I had 2 days sat and Sunday were I didn't want to eat anything at all. Not even remotely hungry. 

Then on Sunday my eldest son came down with gastro and then bang the whole house. 

I'm off work again today but we should all be fine to return to normal routine tomorrow. 

In this process though I had to stop taking the vitex tablets I am taking to try and return my cycle to normal as we do want to try for baby 4 in the coming months. Having not taking it yesterday and today omg my energy and mojo has returned. I feel like I'm ready to take on the world again and smash it. Which is more amazing as I still have the reminence of gastro holding on. I need to take it today but I'm so hestitant now. I know I'm taking it for a reason and if I can't get my cycle functioning better it will likely end in a miscarriage but agh is the zap in everything worth it? For another 6 weeks maybe but it could be a lot more than that if it doesn't happen straight up. 

I still have 5 weeks left of this challenge. I'm still only 69.5kg so the last few weeks I haven't lost any weight. That's ok though. I can still keep on going. Eat healthy exercise and the results will come. I would still like to be 65kg at the end which is only 4.5kg so still possible. 

We also have some big changes coming. Firstly we did end up buying the fish and chip shop so I will finish up work on my current job next week and then into the shop we go. Take away fish and chips aren't really my thing but it's a good bases and I want to bring in healthy food options. How frustrating is it when ur family wants to eat take away but u can never get a yummy healthy option for urself and stuff going to 2 difference places. So I want to bring in fresh salads and I'm going to look at warm ones coming into winter. Different types of grilled fish and maybe chicken. Lots of ideas churning away. 

Other than that of course is baby 4 when ever that comes about. In the next 3 years I want to build our own house. We would do it sooner but in order toget a mortgage when u have ur own business even if u have a great deposit u need to have 2 years of ownership and books to prove income and stability. 

I am very excited about building though. I can't wait! 

Then there is a vow Renewal. So B and I will have been together 10years next year. It will only be 7 married but why do people only ever count married years? It's not like u weren't together before that. We have been through a lot together in the past few years. We separated (not because we didn't love each other but because B was in a bad place and I didn't know how to help him anymore) our family will be complete and 4 kids in 10years is pretty good. After being with someone for that long u just develop a different kind of relationship. It would be nice to just refresh those vows to encompass who we are now and the relationship and family we have become. 

I just want it to be us and the kids. Someone to help control the kids lol and a photographer. It's not official and no spending lots of money. 

Exciting times ahead :) 

Tired! Sick/burn out/low iron and 1/2 way progress

I am so exhausted. :( I don't know what's going on. 

I thought it was lost mojo but I am completely spent. 

Sure I'm pushing myself a lot. Between having 3 little kids who mostly do sleep but sometimes don't, working 3 days a week and getting up at 3:45am, running our house hold, being stressed about what B is doing etc there is so much happening but that doesn't explain why I'm so tired. 

I went to the gym this morning and ran 6km but I've been doing that a lot. I didn't find it a stretch or anything. I then did my leg weights. I felt a bit tired but ok. Then I got home and my energy just started to drain. 

Maybe I'm not eating enough? I finding after work I am starving by time I get home I simply just binge. 

I'm frustrated with my lack of progress and I'm putting it down to binging which yes it's a binge but it's not massive. A few buscuits or a packet of the kids chips etc. The rest of my day I eat well it's just maybe 100-200cal in the afternoon. No

I'm half way on Monday so I will take measurements etc. I am wavering in mojo though. Now I'm 69kg I am wondering why I'm aiming for what I am. Why 65kg? Is that really maintainable for me?  I can still see so much fat to lose but is there a different approach for me? I do love exercise but i do miss food. Not fat crap food but just yummy dinners and the occasional special breakfast. 

I'm going to sit down and do a calorie count of my food a bit later. If I'm no rt eating enough that would explain why I'm so tired. 

So I decided to do my half way photos and measurements even though I'm 2 days off. I doubt it will change much in 2 days. 

I feel like its a lack of progress but maybe I was just expecting bigger changes now that I'm in the 60's. I still feel like I looked when I was 80kg. I now feel like there is still 15kg to lose. My goal posts are always changing. I always feel like there is always so far to go! 

Omg I did it

And there is it! A number I haven't seen in a very very long time! 

I have now lost 28.9kg. 4.8kg off my minor goal and 9.8 kg off my ultimate.

With still 2 days until weigh in for the end of week 5 so far I have lost 4.4kg. 

This week was very full on. First week back to work after Christmas so on wed,thur an Friday I was up at 3:45 and at the gym at 4:15 so I could get to work at 6:30. I got home from work wed and finished off cleaning for my rental inspection. Washed walls etc. Thursday arvo I got home cooked dinner and did 2 loads of washing before I picked the kids up and yesterday arvo/night I baby sat my nephew.

To say I collapsed into bed every night is an understatement! 

Seeing results like though it's rewarding. I am Starting to see changes else where too. 

I also started using a coffee scrub on my skin every night. I want to try and reduce the cellulite. I have taken a before photo we will see what it is like after a month. 

This is what I used 

1jar coconut oil. 

Bag ground coffee (I got it for $2 a bag at a discount outlet)

1 packet salt flakes 

1 cup of raw sugar. (Didn't have any brown sugar)

Stored it in a glass water tight container. 

Sick and self doubt

So the cold that I had mentioned decided to take some viral steroids and has slammed me. Agh! I feel like crap. It is only a cold though so I keep on going. My run this morning was painful. This is mainly is a front of face sinus thing and a bit of a sore throat with a wonderful headache. The sinus thing got me on the run though. My face was absolutely burning. I do just feel tired and run down and out of sorts. It will pass. 

I have also let the negative self doubt thoughts come rushing in. Because I haven't been able to put my normal effort into the gym and because I'm sick and tired and comfort snacking just a little I'm letting those thoughts of u won't be able to achieve ur goal to creep in. I'm half way through week 3 I should be started to see some changes but can I? I don't know! I do remember I went through this in the last one. One part of me regrets publishing my story especially when I'm not yet finished my weightloss journey. I'm really wondering why I did it as those negative comments do bounce around in ur head and I am asking myself was it worth it? Today when I'm tired and sick I definitely think no! 

I just have to keep telling myself  As long as I keep going it will pay off. Just keep going. I'm 7.5kg from my goal. Just keep going! 

I did buy myself this beauty today! It make my turkey breast for my salad so moist. Love love love it! 

Arms and core tomorrow morning. Did legs today. I'm not feeling the after burn on the legs. Hmmm. It hurts while doing it but maybe not enough??? I know with my dead lifts I'm using my lower back toward the end so I need to correct this but maybe my weights just aren't heavy enough??? Saturday I will put them up and see. Might also need to add some more in. I don't think I'm doing enough. I was going to add a few more this mornin but I felt like crud so just did my normal routine. Might spend some time tomorrow looking up some lighter weighted things I can super set the heavy stuff with. Eg I do my dead lifts supersetted with 25kg kettle bell sumo squat.

Think time :) I can do this! 

Tired day :(

So today hasn't been the best day. Some times getting up at 4am every single day takes it's toll. I also have a little cold that's annoying me seems to be easing though. 

When Zach woke me for a feed i so could have gone back to bed and kept sleeping. I do wait 15-20mins to see if he has indeed gone back to sleep this morning he didn't. As he sleep through he seems to want that 2nd bottle to go back to sleep. Gave him that got dressed and off I went. I still managed a tough session and burnt a good 850cal in an hour 15 but I just felt tired. Really tired. I haven't had a test day in over a week. Probably very naughty but I just want to get it done. 

Because of being extra tired my body is searching for empty calories. Instead of making something good I am snacking on chocolate. Agh. It's only been 10 squares of Turkish delight but still it's not needed. I had my normal smoothy for breakfast and my turkey breast salad for lunch. I'm over snacking now and will have my protein shake at 2:30 and my egg white omelette for dinner so it's not all blown out but it annoys me when I eat like that. Only because I don't do it because I enjoy it it's for the wrong reasons. 

I LOVE chocolate especially Turkish delight and I usually allow myself to enjoy 1-2 squares a day. This is living of course and why completely deny urself everything. I don't drink or eat bad take away food so it's my little simple pleasure. Today it wasn't about tht though I allowed my emotional tired self just mindlessly snack. 

I could tAke a rest day tomorrow I will see how I wake up. If I don't I might just do a small day. Maybe a quick ride some core work and a swim. Now my tri suit is here I really want to try it out! 

New suit arrived!!!

Yay my new tri suit just arrived. It's a medium and I was worried it would be too tight but it fits great! Will need a tri bra to go underneath though. 

This was my back this morning after smashing it at the gym. I do think some muscle is starting to come through :)